A message for the graduates
... one that we all need to hear
Around these parts, it is high school graduation weekend. Lawn signs are displayed with proud *insert mascot here* graduate and the student’s senior photo.1 Large white tents for graduation parties are going up all over the place. And the lines are so looooooong at the local ice cream shops celebrating the Pre-K-ers up through our college graduates.
Fifteen years ago (yesterday) my classmates and I switched our tassels and were proudly declared the Class of 2010. We all had visions of what our lives would become, where we would head off to, and the dreams we would pursue. It is interesting to think about that day, the anxieties I had on the future, and the relief I felt to be able to step out from the place and people I’d known my whole life, and into whatever opportunities awaited me. To be cliché, it both feels like yesterday and seems like a lifetime ago with all that’s happened in life.
As this year’s graduates look out to the future, many likely feeling more anxious than class years past, I wanted to share a message that I wish we had heard on this day fifteen years ago. That between the dreaming big dreams and remembering where you came from, we would have also been reminded of the collective need to be there for each other.
You may listen to my message through the Substack podcast app or over on Spotify.
What a beautiful day! A celebratory day! A great day to be together! Your high school graduation is a day you often thought about — from romanticizing what high school life will look like while solving those 5th grade fractions, to praying for homework and group projects to arrive to their demise in Global Studies, not to mention the desperation of graduation when solving problems in algebra or trigonometry class.
But, you made it!
Through grit, laughter, determination, and fun you made it to today with some important people by your sides.
Today, you sit next to each other in matching robes and mortarboards, a few of you with special tassels or a stole from National Honor Society. Some of you have known each other since pre-school, others you may have just met this year. Whether you chose to sit next to them in Economics this year or helped backstage at last year’s spring musical, the people sitting beside you contributed to your education and why you’re walking across the stage more than you think. Their words, judgements and celebrations of you will continue to shape your view of the world and help you navigate the next phase of life. Maybe you’ll do it together and maybe you’ll never see each other again. As you take in this collective moment, say a silent ‘thank you’ on the wind for the friends and classmates who’ve navigated this journey with you.
I would be remiss not to mention the ones who woke you up each morning, made you mac and cheese for dinner, and gave you the most valuable lessons you’ll ever need — how to drive a car. I think of your parents, grandparents, older siblings, and guardians who sat with you while you cried over a breakup or a bad score on an exam, who celebrated with you when you were accepted to your dream program. It is your own Tom and Sandy’s who drove you home, often in silence, from practice, because they knew it was what you needed in those moments. In truth, they often got what was left of you. A full day spent in the halls of your school, to eventually come home for a few hours of dinner, homework, television, reading, talking with friends again, and then eventually re-hashing whatever took place in the classroom or hallway that day. The beliefs they’ve shared with you in those short bursts of quality time, will stay with you as you encounter new challenges and seek out your future. When there’s more at stake than getting a 3 on the AP English exam, your family will listen, encourage and strengthen you so that obstacles disappear and opportunities materialize.
Finally, we are here today, celebrating this incredible occasion, because of your partnership with one other group — your teachers. They made you laugh out loud, while in the next breath frustrating you with a new assignment or project. They modeled proper classroom etiquette, which will undoubtedly help you in college or the workplace, coached you in sports and clubs, and sang your praises in conversations you didn’t know existed. During a school week, you spend more time with your teachers and administrators, than you do your own family. They’ve often seen you at your prime, witnessed you at your worst, and still challenged you to be your best self no matter the circumstances. You arrived to graduation because they chose to partner with you in your educational pursuits. Through impromptu study hall Q&As, extra credit assignments, taking you on memorable field trips, and sitting and talking with you when life got a little too overwhelming, and of course giving you the gift of knowledge, they also gave you their time, their empathy, and their love to see you succeed. As you leave your school for the final time this weekend, may you remember the educators that helped you get to this point. Rarely are we able to choose our teachers throughout our schooling journey, but each one deliberately chose to educate and encourage you.
As a graduating senior in your shoes, I was *so ready* to leave behind high school, move forward with what life had in store and for some folks, never see them again. I couldn’t want to be able to choose my friends, choose the courses and professors I would learn from, pick the perfect job and live the best curated life of people who were encouraging, empathetic, smart, kind, and all of the best qualities. Like many of you, in high school I didn’t get to pick who taught my math classes, who I sat next to in Chemistry class, or even who my teammates were. And for some reason, at the very mature age of 17, I thought that when you left high school, you left that world of no choice behind.
I hate to be a Debby Downer on such a special day, but everyday moving forward, you will face that same lack of choice. And you may be thinking, “but Skylar, I get to choose my roommate in college, I interview a company while they interview me for an open position, I decide who to spend my Saturday nights with.” And yes, my dear ones, those are very good observations, and decisions that you can pursue. However, just as you can talk only about your best qualities and embellish a tiny bit on a project you completed, so can the folks around you. You may be able to curate your most inner circle of people and experiences, but life is not built of just those five to ten people.
Ultimately, we do not get to pick outside of that circle. You have no more control over the family you inherit when you get married, as you do over the coworker who is pulling tires in the next bay over or crafting emails at the cubicle across the room. We don’t get to dictate how vocal they are about the religion they practice, the nasty smell wafting from their lunch container, or the way they treat you despite putting your best foot forward. Every day, though, you get to decide how you want to show up as that person’s neighbor. Are you going to act the same way — offering snide comments or dirtying the communal fridge because they do that? Will you judge first instead of listening with an understanding ear? That is your decision to make.
Graduates, in a world that is ever-changing and more divisive than ever, please remember that we don’t get to choose the neighbors that surround us, but we do get to decide what type of neighbor we want to be to them.
You, sitting there in that fun mortarboard and beautiful gown, gets to be the decider on whether to make someone’s day better or to perpetuate a toxic culture. Your response dictates how you will show up in this world, and in turn how the world will show up for you. In those moments, I hope you will think back to today, to the friends who stood by your locker when you had a rough day, to your parents and guardians who dried your tears and made you a favorite comfort meal, and to the teachers who spoke life into your skills, gave you opportunities to succeed and stand here today pushing you expectantly out into the world. When you are confronted with deciding how you want to show up, think back to your 8, 11, 15 year-old self and the neighbor you needed in those moments to persevere and move forward.
Graduates, this world is yours and I pray that you go out there and be the best neighbor to those who you encounter. Thank you!
It can be rough out there and I truly pray that we all choose to be great neighbors to those who surround us. Send a text, mail a postcard, pick up trash on the side of the road, or just not shout “you’re welcome” to the lady who doesn’t thank us for holding the door for her in the pouring rain.
Cheers to being a good neighbor and to all the exclamation points,
Skylar